Notes to self

Yongjia said: "Eternal calm is not apart from right where you are; if you seek, I know you cannot see." If you think spiritual practice is something separate from everything else in your life, something that illuminates the world from somewhere else, you might think you are holding to a lofty and exalted view of practice, but I'm afraid it's more likely that you are holding to a rather miserable view of your life and of the world. Linji said: "You do not need to seek the extraordinary, for the extraordinary will come of itself." Hasn't that been your experience? What wonders have you ever known that weren't already given to you, or that didn't arise in you before you could get your hooks in, or that weren't already alive in the world? Isaiah said: "Unless the Lord build the house, those who build it labor in vain."

If you trusted yourself -- but somehow you don't dare. How could you understand anything without permission? How can you know what is immediately in front of you without others to confirm it for you? Well, it's not as if they haven't tried. And what they say is: When you've had enough, refrain. But maybe don't wait until you're quite sure you've had enough. Best way to stop itching longterm is to stop scratching, and soon.

If you ever think you are enlightened, that doesn't have to be a big problem, some reprehensible form of arrogance. It's just enlightenment thinking that it's enlightened, and thinking thinking that it's you.

Blue-gray and pale yellow, the sky of an autumn afternoon. Feels like it could snow any time now.